needsnobottle | [02 - Audio] Anaylze

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[02 - Audio] Anaylze

[There's a shuffling sound, and then a grumbling that can't quite be made out. When she finally speaks, there's an odd edge to her voice; maybe panic, maybe anger, maybe something else entirely.]

Anyone care to explain why the tattoo I didn't want is now imitating poison oak and spreading up my leg?

[She pauses, and there's a bit more shuffling.]

It looks like it's supposed to be words, but I can't read them. And that's saying something.

So, anyone got any calamine? Anything to stop this, or am I going to end up walking around one giant sign that I can't read?

[There's a long pause, and when she speaks again her voice is softer, and there's clear awkwardness in the slow way she's talking.]

Calvin? I just wanted to...apologize again. You know. For the...stuff that happened. I'm...really sorry, about that.

[And then she mumbles.]

But at least you're safe.

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You might find this hard to believe, but all that crap? Not that easy to get ahold of.

[And now she's mumbling.] Especially with a brain-splitting headache.

Then you obviously are not motivated enough to do this.

[Bartimaeus has sympathy for your plight, can you feel it? CAN YOU FEEL IT?]

Did I say that? I don't believe I did. I'll get the damn things; I didn't realize this banishing thing had a time limit.

[SHE IS GROUCHY WITH HEADACHE BARTIMAEUS. She might seriously find you just to bite you.]

Commoners like you expect that brilliant beings such as myself will read between the lines and know exactly what you meant when you said something else entirely. No need to get your skirts in a bunch because I know what you intended to say better than you did.

[There's a dismissive gesture that you can't see.]

There's also no time limit but what you put on it. It all depends on how much you love that djinni frolicking about you.

For such a brilliant being you're pretty damned obtuse. I'm thinking that's you being deliberate, though, for the sake of making me nuts.

In which case thanks for caring I guess.

There is no frolicking, and I can only imagine how frustratingly bored you are right now, but I will ask anyway: have you noticed anything odd about this place in regards to what you are capable of doing?

It's hardly an act just for you, but interpret it how you please.

[This is an attitude cultivated over hundreds and hundreds of years, Tammy; he's just deigning to use many of these fine annoyance tactics on you.]

Boredom is nothing to the ache of being here. That I'm done with the moment some fool summons me forth and makes me exist. Otherwise, the only odd thing I've noticed is that there's no magician making me use my vast capabilities to any foul purpose.

[Bartimaeus is running on three months without having to use a Detonation or other spell, you see. He's kept to himself and, despite many challenges against his impressive skills, he has abstained from trouble. You could almost call him a model citizen? Hahahahaha... I mean.]

Didn't need your permission, but if that makes you feel better.

[Color her just THRILLED AS PUNCH to be on the receiving end of these tactics. Cause she doesn't have enough annoyance in her life.]

So your capabilities are intact? [Cause see, this djinn's capabilities are not. And it's a tad worrying. And on top of the hunger...]

[Since Tammy cannot appreciate the finite details of his awesome, Bartimaeus ignores her a moment and laughs, mainly because neither can see the smirk he has cultivated just for them.]

Better than yours, I bet. Why so concerned? Eager to do something flashy to impress that human you hide out in?

[audio]

It's a simple matter of feeding myself. I'm cut off from my source. I can't take without giving, and giving is not easy here. And please, I've no interest in getting into a magical pissing contest.

[Yep, it's using a vulgar human turn of phrase. And it gives no shits.]

[audio]

Ah, the wise words of the already-defeated.

Have you considered eating a doughnut instead? It's very filling, if very fattening, but I'm sure your essence could use the plumping.

[audio]

That junk feeds this body; does nothing for my "essence" as you refer to it. That requires something far more decadent.

Goddamn it, gross.

[audio]

Try imps.

[audio]

As I said before, they are extinct where I'm from. And I haven't seen any here.

Have we even LOOKED?

[audio]

You should take a look around, like the good... one of you said. There's no harm in searching things out for yourself, you know.

[audio]

Oh believe me we will. I don't even know what an imp is but it's better than...than what it wants.

[audio]

Creatures filled with more air than style - I'd start looking on the inside, if you catch my meaning.

Don't have a taste for his diet? Consider it an excellent opportunity to slim down yourself!

[audio]

On the inside?

And no. I don't care for it's diet at all. But it's better than the alternative. Which I can only take it's word on to be true, I'd rather it starve, if I had any say in the matter.

That little thing thriving in co-habitation with you. Whatever it is, it is no djinni.

[audio]

Oh, hilarious. I'm an imp.

Somehow I doubt telling it to go eat itself would work, considering it's always ignore my other suggestions for what it could do with itself.

[audio]

Oh, but you never know until you try!

[audio]

If only it were that simple.

Do you have that much trouble forming words? Funny. You never experience that hang-up around me. Just pretend he's me - as impossible as that would ever be.